It all started with me being in a bad place. I had been for a long time and I thought I had crawled out of the snake pit that my life had been before. I was wrong, though I didn’t realise at the time. I was mostly living inside my head and didn’t have time for myself at all.
Because of my crazy work hours I hardly had any contact with people outside of my ‘inner circle’ anymore and I alienated myself from people I should have held close. Obviously that ‘inner circle’ was rather small.
Someone even asked me if my favourite colour was grey. The question was like a blow to the head. Grey. I looked at myself. Really looked. Grey.
The lively girl I had once been had turned grey.
The person who asked was right to ask. I did dress in a lot of greys. I did look sad. I was a sad reflection of the person I once was or could be. I then decided to work on myself. Throw out the sad part and be happy instead. Figure out a way to let the real me show.
I cut my hair really short. I bought new, happy clothes. I made sure I wore at least one happy colour in every outfit, so I had something to look at to make me happy. I gained weight. I had always been (too) skinny and the extra pounds gave me the figure that I had always wanted. I started wearing skirts and dresses. I started working out. I changed jobs. I dyed my hair red.
All because of that one comment that made me take the time to look at myself twice and I didn’t like the things I saw.
For the first time in five years I really had time for myself, mostly because of the job change. It’s as though I finally had time to be myself and redefine the person I wanted to be.
I know who I am. I do. I just never really had the time to let it show. I never really had the time to think about it. There was always something more important to do. I put myself in the background, never thinking of myself, but only helping others. I got pushed over, used, only to be forgotten when no longer needed.
This time is different.
I’m discovering new things, only focussing on things that make me happy this time. I have the right to say ‘no’ to things. I don’t need anything or anyone who keeps making me sad.
I’m taking the sad stuff and throwing it out. Or at least I get to embroider the sad stuff with a happy thread. I’m all for second-hand stuff and recycling.
Now I’m starting this blog. Not to write about sad stuff, or to get stuff off my chest or out of my head. I’ve tried that before. Didn’t work.
No, this time I’m blogging for happiness. I’m not quite there yet, though my progress has astounded people who haven’t seen me in a while. They hardly recognize me and compliment me. They say I look happy.
This blog is about food, crafts, films, hobbies. Anything and everything that carries that joyous spark of life.
“To infinity and beyarned”. Because ‘knit’ happens.